Friendship is hard to find. I don't mean the friends you say "hey" to everyday, or the people you know only surface-wise because you goof around in class. They have a special place in your world too - everyone does, and not-quite-close-friends are needed for everyone. They are who you connect with on a day to day basis and make your days fun and refreshing.
No, what I'm referring to is true, honest-to-God friendship. About caring for someone despite their flaws, of looking past someone superficially and loving who they are as a human being. We sometimes qualify this as "best friend-ship." Basically, this is someone with whom you've connected on a deeper level, someone with whom you've bonded.
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When I look at the relationships that I have which bear this title, I notice one thread tying them all together: listening. The friends in my life that I count as my best friends are people with whom I've had a deep and meaningful conversation, with whom I've been able to tell my thoughts and emotions without fear of judgement or risk of too much advice. They are people who have simply been there to listen, and for whom, in turn, I have done the same.
Some of these friendships are found quicker than others - two of my friends, one found in college and another in high school - surprise me to this day with how fast we connected. It was like finding a kindred spirit - we aren't the same people exactly, but we were able to relate to each other mind-bogglingly well. And this came from simply listening. When we talk, there is no urge to appear helpful, or to judge their actions and feelings. THere is simply a sense of being there, being present, being emotionally available. Smiling and laughing together, crying together, and sometimes, just giving a hug.
But the point is, you're THERE.
"We need to enlist the service of the intellect, but not let it block the intuitive compassion of the heart." (130)
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The other important thing about reaching out in this way is that we connect on an emotional level. Rather than rationalizing everything or analyzing how we are compatible as friends, or questioning where we stand in each other's eyes, these types of friendships are almost instinctual.
This can also happen with complete strangers though. Sometimes we are in positions in which our intellect cannot help but take over; it is something of a protection, i think, to guard against emotional attack. But this shield can also become a barrier. WHen in a third world country, or simply walking down the street of your hometown, you may judge the homeless and the beggars. You may judge the lady in the revealing clothes, or the teenager in all black. But what if they were to come up to you? WHat if they needed an ear to listen?
In that case, its important to let your heart listen. Not just your mind.
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